Tuesday, July 19, 2011

When I grow up...

I was given this post idea by MommaSachs at Passion. Dedication. Life. Us.

When I was 13 - the age Emma is now - like most girls I dreamed of what my life would be when I was an adult. I'd pore over the Sears and JC Penney catalogs, planning my career wardrobe, my casual wardrobe, what furniture I'd have in my fabulous house.

I never dreamed of marriage and babies, though. I never played wedding, or planned out what I wanted for my big day. I planned my education (doctorate degree, or at least a Master of something-or-other), my career path (CEO of course), and house. I decided that once I was well-established in my career in my thirties I'd maybe start to think about marriage, maybe not. I'd adopt a child or two. I never dreamed of giving birth - there were so many unloved children in the world that I wanted to bring some home with me.

That was my plan at 10-11-12-13 years old.

Instead, I was married at 19, my sophomore year of college. I did complete my Associate degree, but I still haven't completed my Bachelor's.  Emma was born shortly after, we moved, bought a house, I started working while going to school, and life went on. Now I'm 32, almost 33, with a 13 year old and an 18 month old, married for nearly 14 years, and my girls are DEFINITELY not adopted. I changed my major more than once, and also my career path. I still don't  know exactly what I want to be when I grow up.

The funny thing is, though, that even though my life did not go anywhere near my plan, I am okay with that. I am happy. I love my husband. I love that we still LIKE each other after 14 years. I love that we still enjoy each other. I love my children desperately. I cannot imagine life without them.

Sure, sometimes I think about "the road not taken." Who doesn't? I try to picture what my life would have been like at this age if I hadn't made the choices I did. But I can't picture it. If I had chosen anything differently, I wouldn't have anything I do now.

My childhood dreams may not have come true, but the dreams I never knew existed DID come true. And that is how it should be.


  1. I hear you. For most of my teens I swore (and really meant) that I had no desire to get married or have kids. Now I'm 33, with a husband of 9 years, a 5-year-old son, and a 3-year-old daughter, all of whom I cannot imagine my life without. Thank goodness life doesn't always go according to plan, and that we don't always get what we thought we wanted.

  2. So sweet. My life is not where I imagined it to be, either, but I fault my imagination not the results. I wouldn't give back my husband or beautiful daughters for any past dreams.