Sometimes, I'm just not sure who I want to be. I mean, I know who I AM, but the internal stuff gets a little mixed up. Is it possible to be both an extrovert AND an introvert? Neat AND messy? Quiet AND talkative?
It's like my personality just can't decide who it wants to be. I used to joke as a teenager I was two people living in one body.
Some days, I am all over the place, chatting with people all over the hospital. Employees, visitors on the elevator, anyone. Other days, I would give most anything to be able to spend the day in my closet-office and see no one all day. Even better would be to spend the day at home on the couch with a good book and my phone turned off. Some days, I just don't want to talk to ANYONE!
Then there's the neat/messy conundrum. I prefer things to be neat and clean. I like being able to find things when I need them, and not have pet fur collecting in the corners (or on my socks from the carpet). I dream of an organized kitchen, toy cubbies in Sophie's room, shining floors, and no cobwebs. Especially in the mornings. Almost every day I plan a list of what I'm going to scrub and organize after work. Then After Work arrives. It's time for dinner, time with family, time for Sophie's bath, and then I'm just too tired. So, the list gets put off until the next day.
I think I'm just tired. When I'm tired I get introspective, and begin to question all sorts of things. Hopefully I'll get a good rest soon and caught up around the house and yard. That will make a huge difference in my mood I know.