Sunday, September 19, 2010

Day 26 - Giving up

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

The timing of this one is heartbreakingly eerie.

I had a few hectic days and wasn't able to get to the next Truth immediately. Friday I did have a minute while eating lunch to look at it, but not enough time to write anything. I had planned, though, to just give a simple answer of "no" and go on to the next one.

Then, Saturday morning, I got a text message that changed everything.

A dear friend at work DID decide to give up on life. It still hasn't fully sunk in, and probably won't until tomorrow at work when I am around everyone else that worked with her, or maybe not even until Tuesday, her usual first day of the week.

Sunshine (her nickname; Judy, her given name, was her name only when she was in a bad mood, which wasn't often) was the first person I met at the hospital when I started my job. She took me under her wing, answered any question I had, and helped me when I didn't even know I needed it. She was the first person at work I told when I was pregnant with Sophie. She always asked about the girls, and sent gifts to them all the time. She made everyone laugh. It was easy to love her. She had such a big heart in such a tiny little body. Every day she had a smile for someone.

I had noticed last week she wasn't her usual cheerful self, but she was sick and I attributed it to her not feeling well. Working 12-hour shifts when you are under the weather will do that to anyone. Still, I'd get moments of her usual Sunshine-ness throughout each day.

She doesn't work Fridays, so I didn't get to see her that day. I have no idea what happened, why she chose to do what she did. I am sure we'll never know. I just can't believe I'll never talk to her again, hear a hilarious naughty joke from her, get a smile and a wave and a "Hello, Love" from her again.

My heart is heavy.

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