Friday, August 6, 2010

Why I write

There are two huge things in my life right now. I am dying to write them out. That is how I deal with issues. I can't always express myself verbally so this really allows me to get it out of my head, work through things. Hopefully get a little feedback, a fresh perspective. I do talk about these things with my husband, but when I have no new words and he has no idea how to help me, what good does it do to keep telling him?

Thing One has been an issue with me for years, but lately is HUGE. It is sad, it is regretful, it causes me to feel guilt. But mostly, it is very sad. But I can't write about it publicly. I just can't expose that side of myself to everyone. I am so afraid of what you will all think of me, friends and family both. I did write a lonnnnnnnnnng post about it a few days ago, but erased without publishing. That did help, some. But not enough. I am not sure writing it out will ever be enough.

Thing Two  is big also, but different. It is life-altering, yet not as bad as I had feared. At least for me, but I am on a different arm of this wheel. I need to work this out, too, but I am not allowed to make it public. I understand and fully agree with the reason, though. At least I can discuss this privately with those who know, which helps. 

So instead of writing off witty blogs, or fascinating research, or something about current issues... I mostly use this as my outlet, my therapy of sorts. And I don't know what I'd do without this!

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