Tuesday, February 19, 2013

To understand me

Today's post is from a writing prompt blog.
"What is something about you people do not seem to understand no matter how many times you try to explain?"

I thought about this one a while, and had nothing. But for some reason, it stuck with me. Then on my way home tonight it hit me.

What most people don't seem to understand is that behind the public "me," behind any confidence or bravado I show the world, is an insecure, shy little girl. A girl who doesn't think anything she does is good enough. A girl who needs reassurance that yes, people really like her. A girl who hates that she needs reassurance. A girl who rarely phones her friends because she convinces herself that they don't want to hear from her or truly like her but are just humoring her and trying to figure out how to get off the line. A girl who second-guesses everything she does or says.

I don't like that little girl much, and try to silence her, but she's always there, waiting just under the surface. She slips out when I'm tired, when I'm in a new situation or around new people. She whispers in my ear, pointing out all my flaws and insecurities. She points and laughs at me, mocking me.

I want to make her go away but I don't know how.

1 comment:

  1. Kudos to you for the honesty. I think a lot of us have that little girl lurking inside. Mine flares up from time to time, especially during moves. It's so obvious from your posts that you pour love into your children, and that will make them strong girls which will only help your little girl shine brighter. Hugs.