I did something unusual today. I spend at least five full minutes styling my hair. I know, that doesn't sound like much. But when you consider that my usual rotation of hair styles take approximately 30 seconds each, it's a lot.
I received compliments throughout the day. Several people told me it looked nice. I even used hairspray!
For some reason, though, I was self-conscious all day. I was afraid that the pieces would come unpinned without my knowledge and look terrible. I was afraid that it looked like I had tried too hard. I was afraid I looked ridiculous.
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I second (or third, or fourth) guess myself when I try something new? No matter what I project on the outside, on the inside I still feel like the girl from my childhood. Unsure, insecure, teased for being different, outright bullied. That girl is a scar imprinted on my soul, clouding my view of myself and my world.
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I think we all do that. Completely natural. But you have to shut down that inner voice of doubt. Of course, it's easy for me to say that but not practice what I preach :-)
ReplyDeleteWow, I so get what you are saying. It's why I write about teenagers, because the teenage me is still so much of who I am... still why I question so much. The fact that you are willing to talk about it and share with others is what makes you truly special. ;-)
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