A change of perspective

When Sophie, our five year old, was two days old, she started having seizures. The first one caught my attention as "This is odd. I wonder what it is." But they happened every hour, like clockwork, and progressively worsened. We took her to the pediatrician, where she had another seizure. Before we knew it, I was riding in the back of an ambulance with our newborn in her car seat strapped to a stretcher, on our way to the ER at Children's Hospital. This tiny baby was put through so many medical tests and interventions. The giant doses of IV medications to stop her last, longest, seizure did the job, but kept her asleep for the next two days.

I cried a lot during the week we spent in the hospital (as a nursing mother I was admitted with her). I missed my husband and oldest daughter. My husband had been staying at the hospital at first and our oldest was staying with a friend, but then she became sick and had to go home. I missed my home, our dogs, and a normal life. I felt cheated out of the happy new-baby-at-home time we'd been expecting. I was scared, lonely, and hormonal.

Finally, she was deemed healthy. The seizures were the result of bleeding on her brain, trauma from her quick delivery. The bleeding had stopped and the blood reabsorbed itself into her tiny body. But the neurologist wasn't the admitting doctor, and that doctor wanted to be safe. She wouldn't discharge us until every single test came back. However, she was able to be disconnected from all the monitors that kept her confined to a six-foot radius of her bassinet. I was able to walk with her up and down the halls, and see something other than the four walls of our room and the various procedure rooms.

While we were walking around, though, I realized that no matter how scary and horrible that week was, we were one of the lucky ones. Our child was going to be fine. We were taking her home. Too many kids there have serious illnesses, or terminal diseases. Too many families don't get to take their kids home, or are in the hospital for long periods of time. For too many, my nightmare is their normal. I took Sophie back to our room, and cried again. Out of relief, and heartbreak for all the other children on our floor.

Wordless Wendesday

Because sometimes, there just aren't any explanations.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Things I love

I found this idea on Pinterest today, and it's intended for the Project Life type fancy journaling, which I do not do. At all. Don't have the time, energy, or organization for that. Instead, I blog sporadically.
Much better, right?

So, here are 100 things I love (in no particular order):

1. My husband
2. My daughters
3. My parents
4. My sister and her family
5. Caffeine
6. Internet
7. My friends
8. Texting
9. Snapchat
10. Dark Chocolate
11. Naps
12. Our new sofa and love seat
13. Writing
14. Reading
15. Books
16. Kindle
17. Netflix
18. Hulu
19. My dogs
20. Beautiful clothes
21. Shoes
22. Bags
23. Tea
24. Cookies
25. Ice cream
26. Fruit
27. Sherlock
28. Supernatural
29. The Blacklist
30. Joss Whedon
31. Family time
32. Fanboy Expo
33. Feminism
34. Sunshine
35. Bodies of water
36. Nature
37. Sleep
38. Music
39. Pinterest
40. Office supplies
41. Art
42. Jewelry
43. Makeup
44. Quinoa
45. Beyonce
46. Forehead kisses
47. Spontaneous kid love
48. Doctor Who
49. Harry Potter
50. Warm weather
51. Stripes
52. Autumn
53. The scent of the flowering tree outside our front window
54. Color
55. The Whole Nine Yards
56. Sims 3
57. Red
58. Vacation days
59. Weekends
60. Peace
61. Equality
62. Understanding
63. Compassion
64. Improvicooking
65. Sharp cheddar
66. Cities
67. Museums
68. Parks
69. Snuggles
70. Pearls
71. Traveling
72. Exploring
73. Turkey, apple, cranberry, and brie paninis
74. Broccoli
75. Carrots cooked with butter and nutmeg
76. REM
77. Classical
78. Jazz
79. 90s music
80. Learning
81. River Song
82. River Tam
83. Pasta
84. Sarcasm
85. Quirkiness
86. Anything caramel
87. Facebook
88. Washi tape
89. Much Ado About Nothing (also this one)
90. Jennifer Coburn books
91. Toby Neal books
92. The Moonstone
93. Beautiful architecture
94. Warm cozy socks
95. Dinner made by someone else
96. Secret smiles
97. Knowledge
98. Baby snuggles
99. Laughter
100. The Princess Bride

Pick-and-choose Christianity

The biggest objection to gay marriage right now is the religious, Christian argument of “The Bible says it’s wrong! In Leviticus, God calls it an abomination!” 

A few weeks ago, my teenage daughter mentioned wanting to get a tattoo when she turns 18. She’s also talked to me about wanting mother-daughter tattoos. My father used another Leviticus reference to admonish her for wanting a tattoo. 

This morning, while sitting in church, I started flipping through Leviticus trying to find the first reference, about homosexuality. Silly me, wanting to know the entire verse and context. I never found it, but I did find the verse my father was referencing. The exact same verse says men shouldn’t cut their hair or trim their beards. 

You see, I grew up in the Christian church, but as an adult, I’m turned off by the arrogance of many Christians who want to force their own rules on all Americans, even those of other religions or no religion at all. The very reason America was established by the early settlers was to escape the religious oppression of the Church of England – the “do it our way or else” mentality that is taking over our society today.

So, here’s a list taken directly from the frequently-referenced book of Leviticus of rules for society (by the way, these are not even rules for Christians – this was thousands of years before the birth of Jesus. I have yet to hear any of these from the New Testament.)

Things you SHOULD be doing:

• ·         Animal sacrifices out of both guilt (for penance) or for praise
• ·         Women who have given birth have to be hidden away for 33 days if the baby was a boy, 66 days if she had a girl. Then make an animal sacrifice at the sanctuary to be allowed back in.
• ·         Two weeks out of every month women are “unclean” – the week of menstruation and seven days after. Anyone who touches her or her clothing, furniture, anything she dared to sit on, is also unclean. On the 8^th day of after the second week, make a sacrifice.
• ·         Have extramarital sex with a female slave
• ·         Pay hired workers (employees) daily
• ·         “The foreigners residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself.” (Gives new meaning to immigration reform, huh?)
• ·         Execute anyone who curses at their parent.
• ·         In the case of adultery, execute both parties.
• ·         Burn prostitutes to death, if their father is a minister/priest.
• ·         Marry a virgin
• ·         Every seventh year, plant nothing. (Sorry farmers)

Things you absolutely cannot do:

• ·         Eat rabbit, pork, birds, shellfish, calamari, anything from the ocean that does not have scales
• ·         Cannot eat the harvest of your fruit trees for five years
• ·         Eat blood sausage, blood pudding, rare steaks – nothing with blood at all.
• ·         Gather your entire harvest of crops.
• ·         Show preference to either the poor or the wealthy (that knocks out most politicians, right?)
• ·         Mate different kinds of animals (Liger? Mule? Wolf-dog hybrids? Turkins? Bueller?)
• ·         Plant two different kinds of seed in the same field (so much for companion planting – or household gardens)
• ·         Wear clothing of two different kinds of material (cotton/lycra blends? Wool blends? Tshirt and jeans?)
• ·         Mistreat foreigners
• ·         Marry a widow, divorced woman, or someone from another country.
• ·         Work on the Sabbath.
• ·         Cut your hair
• ·         Trim your beard
• ·         Shave your head
• ·         Get a tattoo or pierce the skin

All of these are found in Leviticus. If the whole “homosexuality is a sin” argument is valid, why aren’t these? Why do modern Christians give more weight to one thing than the others? And before anyone references the instructions of “go into the world and make disciples of all men” – that does not mean forcibly make them follow your religious rules. “But Jesus was the fulfillment of the law, so those rules don’t apply to Christians!” So why pick and choose some to still try to force on others?

 I legitimately don’t understand. How is gay marriage an attack on marriage? How does it threaten marriage? And since in the US, marriage is a LEGAL contract not a RELIGIOUS contract, it shouldn’t even be an issue. If you don’t want gay marriages performed, what’s next? Atheists can’t get married? Jews can’t be married? (Jews are not Christians, by the way) Buddhists, Sikhs, Taoists, Native Americans practicing native religions, Hindus, agnostics? Why not then ban weddings performed at City Hall, in gardens, at home, on boats, in orchards, in any venue other than a church? 

Or, better yet, why not remember that God loves everyone and the commandment “love your neighbor as yourself.”

Subtext

I wore a sleeveless top to work today.

We live in the South, and it's hot and humid. Temperatures are already in the mid-80s every day. It's just plain hot.

So, I wore a sleeveless top.

I examined myself in the mirror. Do my boobs look to big? Does my belly look big? My dress pants aren't very forgiving, either. I'm a little bit round in the middle. Is it really okay to wear this to work? Should I put on a longer top that covers my stomach and butt? But it's really hot, I'd be roasting. What about my arms? They're not toned at all. I have a bruise from a rambunctious dog.

Do I look fat in this outfit?

But then -

Screw it. I'm NOT skinny like I used to be, years ago before birthing babies and age making my metabolism slow down. I have boobs, a belly, and a butt. I'm human.

So much subtext goes into dressing ourselves each morning. We have to look professional (or at least presentable) to be taken seriously, or at the very least avoid the "Oh my, are you feeling okay? You don't look so good" well-meaning if backhanded remarks. We can't show too much skin, because heaven forbid we acknowledge that we have arms and legs and middles. Every inch of our bodies are scrutinized for criticism - too much makeup? Not enough? Every hair in place? But not too overdone? Clothing is perfect, even though we might be bloated that day? Shoes are pretty? But not too high, because apparently heel height has correlation with promiscuity. What about accessories? Can't be too flashy, because that's just showing off.

I wore the sleeveless top to work today.

Hi.

Hi again.

Yes, I know. It's been a while. Life happens. And keeps happening. And I have to Adult, which makes me tired. So after I Adult, I don't always have the ability to form coherent thoughts here. I think them, just can't quite express them.

So anyway, allow me to reintroduce myself.
(Yes, there's a purpose for this.)

See? Big baby.

I am a wife.
I am a mother of daughters.
I am a daughter.
I am a dog-mom. I hate that term, but basically it's true. We have a giant baby who sheds. A lot.
I am a feminist.
I am pro-choice.
I am pro gay marriage.
I am an employee.
I am a dreamer.
I am an optimist.
I am a bookaholic.
I am addicted to caffeine.
I am a friend.
I am quiet.
I am chatty.
I am not too many steps from vegetarianism.
I am frustrated.
I am fed up with the discord in our nation.
I am irritated by parroting of news commentators.
I am eclectic in my musical tastes.
I am a watcher of geekery.
I am also a Penny.
I am a lover of Pinterest.
I am achy.
I am loved.


So tell me about you! Bonus points if you use no physical description. We are not our bodies.

Chili weather

I love chili. However, I don't have a lot of time for extra cooking. I have a quick, easy way to make chili at home.



First, I brown a pound of ground chicken in a large pot. You can of course use beef, but I prefer the chicken. After it's done, I add some homemade chili seasoning (recipe below).

It's supposed to be 2 Tbsp/lb, but I forgot & used 4 this time. Still delicious.





 Next are the beans.
 Add 4 cans of beans, with liquid. This time I used 2 each dark and light  kidney beans. Sometimes I use four different kinds just to mix things up. Also add a 6 oz can tomato paste.








Stir well, and let simmer for a bit to combine the flavors.

This is tasty with a little sour cream and cheddar cheese on top. This freezes well, also. I'm the only chili eater in our house so I divide the batch into individual containers and freeze to take to work for lunch.


BTW, the 4 tbsp of seasoning was a bit much...


And as promised, here is the chili seasoning blend I use:

Fantastic books for kids

Psst... Christmas is coming! I know how hard it is to decide on gifts to give the kids on your list. "Do they like this character? What if they already have this toy? Will their parents hate me if I give this to them?" You can't really go wrong with books, though. To help, here's a list of books that have been kid-approved in our family.

Little Dog Lost: The True Story of a Brave Dog Named Baltic
This story, as the long title says, is a true story that happened in 2010. The little dog became stuck on a slab of ice in a river and floated out to sea, where he was rescued. The book is written for ages 3-5, and Sophie adores it. She loves to read about the little dog who is saved and finds a home.

Little Pup books
The collection is for Kindle, but all three books can be purchased separately as "real" books as well. Sophie loves these books! She especially loves "Why? Because I Love You!" It's such a sweet story of Grey Bear telling Little Pup why he has to do all the no-fun things like eat healthy foods, take baths, and dress warmly. It's also a great series because Grey Bear can be a grandparent, adoptive parent, traditional parent, or guardian. There is no specific term given other than love. Kids in all kinds of families can relate to these book, and I really love that.

Mr Popper's Penguins
This is a great book for ages 5-10. Sophie hasn't read this one yet, but Emma loved it. It was first published in 1938 and is a classic. Mr Popper is a house painter who dreams of traveling to the South Pole. Someone sends him a penguin, then he gets more, and more. The Popper family has quite the adventure.

The Hundred Dresses
Another classic, for ages 6-10, that Emma loved. Wanda is bullied by her classmates because she wears the same dress to school every day. She insists she has a hundred dresses, they just all look the same. Her classmates learn a hard lesson from their bullying.

Divergent series
I think most teenagers like this series - and the first book has already been made into a movie. To be honest, I haven't read these books but they come highly recommended by both teenagers and many parents I know. Teachers, too.

Thankfulness

It's November, which likely means your Facebook feed is filled with "30 Days of Thankfulness" posts. I have tried this several times, but I always end up forgetting a couple weeks in. This year, I'll just do one list of thirty things.


1.  My husband
2. My daughters
3. My parents
4. Our house
5. Netflix
6. Caffeine
7. Comfy bed
8. Heat
9. Cheaper puppy food (Angus eats a lot)
10. Food
11. Lower gas prices
12. Temps in the sixties in the forecast
13. Books
14. Warm clothes
15. Laughter
16. Fun times together
17. Friendship
18. Internet
19. Insurance
20. Nature
21. Trifexis
22. No pull dog harnesses
23. Employment
24. Hugs
25. Music
26. Extended family
27. Memories
28. Sparta
29. Creative outlets
30. Education

The struggle of writing

For a four years now, since I first learned about NaNoWriMo, I've been working on a fictional story. My timing seemed to be off that first attempt, since I had an infant at home, along with our preteen daughter and a full-time job. An active family just wasn't conducive to the writing commitment that needed to be made. Although I didn't complete NaNo that month, I've still worked on my story off and on over the years.

And it's hard.

I know every writer shares this struggle. But I have so many questions that I just don't know the answers to! Most of my writing is simple - I have an idea, and I write until I've exhausted that idea. My problem this time is it's not finished and I have no idea where to go next. I have no outline, no set length, not even a title.

Image via morguefile.com

And titles - how do people come up with titles? I have a hard enough time naming blog posts, much less a novel. The pressure!

I know the advice - just write. Write and get the words out and edit later. That is a huge struggle for me, since I self-edit constantly. I don't move on to the next passage until the one I finished is perfect. In school I was the same way. I didn't write first drafts of essays and revise, I wrote the finished work (and made an A, too, darn it!). Drafts are strangers to me.

Another huge issue with this piece is that I have no idea what happens next. I can't even decide what direction this will take - happy ending? Suspenseful? Is Mr X telling the truth? Is it a ploy? I have no idea. I will decide one way, write out a few more pages, then decide later I don't like that. I've added major characters and loved the new direction, then weeks later hated it and scrap that whole section. I feel directionless, like I'm being blown about by the winds of my own rambling thoughts. I just want to grab one, feel like "this is it!" and run with it.

Tell me - can it really work that way?

A few of my favorite things that help me function

Cue the music... these are a few of my favorite things! Not really when dogs bite or bees sting, but when I have places to be and things to do, these are some of the things that get me through my day.

I start my mornings with The Skimm, a daily (M-F) email newsletter that hits the highlights of the news. It gives you a summary of major news stories, without the extra pontificating you get on many other sources. And it's not stuffy, either. Important news, easy and fun to read - what's better? Subscribe easily here.





Quite a while ago, while telling a friend at work about being stuck in a horrible traffic jam on the interstate because I didn't have the news on that morning, a man overheard us and told me about an app for smartphones called Waze. He has been my hero! The Waze app (it's free btw) has a real-time, user updated map that combines navigation if you need it, real-time traffic issues, even things like police, missing signage, red light cameras, and debris on the road. I have a long commute to work, and Waze makes it easy for me to see if alternate routes will be needed or what time I will reach my destination.



When I'm trying to keep up with our family's activities, events, and work schedules, I use my Tools4Wisdom weekly planner. It's similar to the Franklin Covey system, but for me, easier to use. Not only is there a weekly calendar, with each day marked off from 5 am to 11 pm in half hour increments, but each week has space to list goals and other priorities for the week and steps to complete them. Each month has a monthly overview calendar, and a page to list goals for each month. There is also a place to record yearly goals, and action steps to implement them. It even comes with its own bookmarks!

Too ugly to win the election? You have to be kidding.

NH State Representative Steve Vaillancourt

In the "what the absolute f***" news today, apparently a New Hampshire State Representative believes that looks are what win elections, and that US Representative Ann McLane Kuster will lose her seat because she's "ugly as sin" and looks like a "drag queen."

This is insane! What decade are we living in here? Does anyone still really believe that looks are what makes a good candidate? If so, why hasn't anyone told the men that? Seriously - when is the last time you heard anyone say a man couldn't run for office because he wasn't attractive enough? Or asked a male politician about his wardrobe, hair style, makeup choice? (You know they wear makeup for the cameras.) Or what about balance - women in politics are asked about their children, how they expect to balance their position with their home lives, are criticized for their parenting choices. But aren't men parents as well? Why are they not quizzed on backup childcare for voting days?

But just going back to the main point - this is what Vaillancourt actually said:

"Let's be honest," Vaillancourt writes. "Does anyone not believe that Congressman Annie Kuster is as ugly as sin? And I hope I haven't offended sin. If looks really matter and if this race is at all close, give a decided edge to Marilinda Garcia."

As much as I hate to give this asshole traffic, here is a link to his actual blog post about it. It seems he has a thing for the young, pretty candidate opposing Rep Kuster.  He used an unflattering screenshot of Kuster, but a glossy, smiling, shot for her opponent. This is Rep Kuster's photo from her website.

She's not a young twentysomething like her opponent, but ugly? No. It's sad that he can't talk about any of the issues, her voting record, sponsored legislation, or any valid reason for not supporting Kuster. He only focuses on her appearance.

He is a prime example of what is holding women back in politics.

Hindsight

Allergy rash on 2 year old Sophie

Way back in July 2012, when Sophie was 2, we discovered she had an allergy to artificial colors. That was the beginning of a new reality for us.

However, today I was feeling nostalgic and was going through old posts in her birth board on Babycenter.com, and found two posts I made about the same thing happening! One was in November 2010, when she was only 8 months old, and then again in February 2011, right after her first birthday. Both posts mention her common symptoms- eczema spots we couldn't get rid of, the rash on her face after eating something with food dye. And both times she had the full body rash like she did in 2012! I also in retrospect figured out another incident, a few months before the final one in July, that would have been from the same allergy (she had eaten a cupcake before breaking out, but again, didn't make the connection until much later).

I know "hindsight is 20/20," but I wish I had put this all together earlier! If  I had remembered the breakouts from one incident to the next, if I had started researching causes earlier - what might have happened?

Probably nothing, except an earlier diagnosis. The post from February 2011, I mentioned she was taking amoxycillin. Guess what the liquid contains - Red 40. That is a medication she can't take now, because there is no version on the market (for liquid at least) that is not dyed pink. The pharmacist checked the last time it was prescribed to her.

So what is the point of this post?

If your child has sudden, unexplained rashes, keep a very detailed journal. Foods eaten (even if nothing was new), medications, beverages, anything that could have been consumed. And keep it in a safe place, and refer back to it whenever the rash recurs. Even little rashes - most of the time Sophie just had very red cheeks and a few small bumps around her mouth. Now we've learned that is a consistent reaction of hers to eating something with artificial colors.

Tennessee constitutional amendment 1 - What is it really saying?

Protester at a clinic, via Morguefile

In case you haven't heard, there are four amendments to our state constitution to be voted on next month. Some are not very major - an amendment outlawing state income tax, which is already the case, and an amendment allowing charities to hold lotteries - but Amendment 1 is potentially huge for women in our state.

Here is the text of the amendment:

Proposed Constitutional Amendment No. 1for the November 4, 2014 General Election BallotShall Article I, of the Constitution of Tennessee be amended by adding the following language as a new, appropriately designated section:Nothing in this Constitution secures or protects a right to abortion or requires the funding of an abortion. The people retain the right through their elected state representatives and state senators to enact, amend, or repeal statutes regarding abortion, including, but not limited to, circumstances of pregnancy resulting from rape or incest or when necessary to save the life of the mother.

Supporters of this amendment say that this is no big deal, not restricting legal abortion at all, just using "common sense":

Voter approval of Amendment 1 in 2014 will allow the people of Tennessee and their elected representatives to restore common sense protections for women and the unborn, including inspection and regulation of abortion facilities by the Tennessee Department of Health.

In reality, though, facilities that provide abortion services ARE inspected and regulated. Also, protections are currently in place to protect women. Here is the current law in Tennessee.  Partial-birth abortions, always a talking point for anti-abortion groups, are already illegal. Even though these groups try to make it an issue every time, it is not even legal. Babies are not pulled out of the womb and killed, no matter how many graphic billboards these groups pay for. And there are restrictions in place - written consent from the mother (or parent if a minor), and a 48-hour waiting period after meeting with the doctor. The Yes On 1 organization also implies that women from other states flock to Tennessee to have abortions performed. In reality, women must prove state residency to receive an abortion. The amendment also mentions funding of abortions - this is not now, and never has been, in question. Taxpayer funds are not used to provide abortions and if this amendment does not pass, that will not change. 

In short, this amendment paves the way for the current law, decided by the State Supreme Court in 2000,  to be overturned at the whim of voters. Supporters want to take the decisions out of our hands and put them in the hands of the government. It is insulting to all women, to imply that our reproduction requires legislation for us to make the best decisions for ourselves and our families.

More information: Vote No on 1

And in case you don't want to follow the link above, here is the text of the state's abortion law:

Code Section
39-15-201 to 209; 37-10-301 to 307

Statutory Definition of Illegal Abortion
(1) Failure to meet standards for legal abortion including residency requirement; (2) attempted criminal abortion; (3) coerced or compelled abortion; (4) administering to pregnant woman medicine, drug, or any substance or instrument with intent to destroy such child(5) Partial Birth abortion: no person shall knowingly perform a partial birth abortion except when necessary to save life of the mother if endangered by a physical disorder, illness, or injury.

Statutory Definition of Legal Abortion
First trimester with woman’s consent upon advice of her M.D., after first trimester and before viability with same, but in a hospital. After viability, necessary to preserve life, health of mother

Penalty
Impermissible abortion: Class C felony; mother attempting to procure a miscarriage: Class E felony; M.D. fails to use due care to preserve life of baby born alive or violation of 48-hour waiting period: Class E felony; abortion on non-Tenn. resident: Class C felony; coercion to obtain abortion: Class A misdemeanor; M.D. performs abortion on minor violating consent statute: misdemeanor

Consent
Informed, written consent of mother, 48-hour waiting period between M.D. giving mother information and consent; after viability, same as first trimester except M.D. must certify in writing to the hospital that procedure was necessary; by at least one parent must consent to abortion to be performed on minor; no parental consent necessary if emergency; minor may petition court for waiver

Residency
Mother must produce to M.D. evidence she is bona fide resident prior to procedure except in medical emergency, (but M.D. must still give information to mother)

License
First trimester, licensed M.D. upon his medical advice and woman’s consent; after first trimester to viability, licensed M.D., licensed hospital; after viability, only to preserve life of mother

- See more at: http://abortion.uslegal.com/state-laws/tennessee-abortion-laws/#sthash.ra1VqU3G.dpuf

Stay tuned...

A new Inspired Life is coming soon!

I'm going to redo the whole site - design and content - to reflect where I am now. As I get older (I turned 36 a couple weeks ago!) I'm less and less inclined to censor myself to please imaginary "others" and have decided to write about what I want to write about, even if I know people I love won't agree with me.

See you soon!